Coping With Advice

Everybody knows best

You can often be bombarded with advice from all sides.

"Don't pick that baby up - you'll be making a rod for your own back."

"You can't go to him every time he cries - he'll be completely spoiled."

"You have to show him right away who's in charge."

"We had you out of nappies by now."

"We didn't do it like that in my day."

New parents can be forgiven for feeling they're suffering from information and advice overload.

Many parents complain they also receive conflicting advice from health professionals

Many parents complain they also receive conflicting advice from health professionals. On matters such as feeding and sleeping, you may hear different opinions from the midwife, the health visitor and your GP, as well as the mum next door and your own parents.

There's one really important point to remember - you're the expert on your baby. Nobody knows more about what your baby is like and how he prefers things than you.

Responding to advice

• Listen - don't automatically ignore advice just because it's been offered by someone you don't necessarily like or get on with. Think about whether some of it might be useful.
• Understand - try to realise that some relatives (your parents perhaps) might find it hard to accept that you're an adult who can make decisions for yourself.
• Be sensitive - it can be hard to keep your cool when bombarded with unwanted advice but it's important to try to handle possible conflict sensitively.
• Use diversion - sometimes changing the subject can save you from having to listen to advice you don't want to hear. Try asking for advice on something else: "I'm working out the feeding in my own way, but I wanted to ask if you remembered what toys were good for this age?"
• Be firm - you're the expert on your child (even if you sometimes don't feel it) so let it be known. Say: "I really appreciate that you're trying to help, but I definitely want to do this my own way."
• Try quoting experts such as your GP, health visitor or even information from an article you've read to show how times - and advice to parents - have changed.
• Communicate - if your parents or close relatives are over-zealously proferring advice, you might like to 'admit' to them you know you might make mistakes, but you want to learn with your baby the way they must have done with their children.